Oh to Banish Hunger

Dear Reader,

Are you feeling anxious? Has the title of this post inflicted that guilt-striken fear that only a man rattling a plastic bucket for blind mice in Indonesia can induce? Fear not. I am not about to bang on about helping hungry children or a rare species of tape worm that is dying out by the hour. No. I wish I could banish my own hunger.

When I am hungry I get grumpy. I don't mean the sort of sulky frowning type of mood. I'm talking heavy black clouds that descend upon my brow. Nothing is right until I am fed.

Yesterday I ate a lot of food so I thought I would eat a little less today to balance things out. I started the day with a banana, apple and raspberry smoothie for breakfast which was absolutely declious and made me feel self-indulgently healthy. I had a meeting at 10.30 so rushed out the door at 10.00, running late as usual, and hopped on the tube.

I arrived just after 10.30 and the meeting began. By 11.30 I was feeling a little hungry but thought it was too early for lunch in any case and told myself I was just being greedy. By 12.30 though my stomach was rumbling and I was beginning to lose concentration. By 1.00 I was starving. By 2.00 I had headache. The situation was becoming dangerous.

Suddenly I was able to get away. I was desperate to eat something but thought I should go home rather than buy a quick fix. I walked purposely to the bus stop on Oxford Street. There was food everywhere. Hell, even the waffle stands looked tempting. Luckily the bus arrived quickly and I was able to get home.

By now the hunger had reached my brain. Primal instinct had taken over and the black cloud descended. As I alighted the bus I saw Sainsbury's. "What a good idea," I thought, "I'll make some biscuits." I hurried over to the shop and promptly bought butter and icing sugar.

Next I raced home, strategically considering what I could eat, how quickly I could cook it, and how fast I could make the biscuits. I scanned the fridge, considering the options, and rested on sasuages, baked potato and salad. I turned on the grill, ripped out some foil and put the sasuages on it in a tin. I put them in the oven. The mission had started.

Forgetting about the biscuits I mixed the salad, spinach leaves littered the floor as I spun and dressed the leaves at the speed of light.  A potato! I had almost forgotten the baked potato. I checked the sasuages, they were smoking. I found a potato! I pricked it and pushed it into the microwave. BANG. The sasuages! One had popped but all was ok. I had things under control.

Implements strewn accross the surface, I found a plate and a place to put it amongst the debris. The sasuages were cooked. The baked potato was ready. The salad? The salad was superb. I assembled all on the plate and ate. The biscuits never got made............