Black Swan and the Couch Potato

Dear Reader,

The last two days have slipped by and I have wandered through them in a dream-like daze.

Yesterday I had another meeting with the poet and the film maker who has made a documentary of him. The meeting was quite long and, after meeting briefly with Mum, I came home and crashed on the sofa. It turned out that B had been relaxing all day so we spent the evening together and watched 'Marley & Me.' It is such a nice film, even though it has a sad ending, but I could barely keep my eyes open during it. B even kept looking at me to check I was awake!

After feeling tired last night I slept in late this morning and have spent most of the day relaxing. B and I got up and he made some coffee in his machine. He's a bit of an addict so we have all the equipment from a grinder to a full blown machine and of course a copious supply of coffee. Enjoying the coffee and the slow pace of the day I pottered around before heading up to Westfield to do some shopping. I think Westfield has been labelled Europe's largest shopping centre and today it was brimming. I collected our tickets to see 'Black Swan' at the Vue cinema there this evening and then popped in to a few shops. I tried on a few cardigans in Uniqlo, one of which was really nice, decided to take it, exited the changing room and then wandered aimlessly around the shop, disillusioned with my potential purchase and put it back. Why? I'm not even sure why. Maybe you can tell me?

On the way back though I did buy some beautiful tulips. They are a mixture of colours: pink, white, yellow and red and I have put them in a big white jug we have with a pink ribbon tied around it.

At home B decided to have a break from his reading and we watched the last episode of 'Medium.' For those of you who haven't seen it, 'Medium' is a tv series about a female psychic who dreams about crimes and helps the police to solve them. Allison juggles a home life with three children and a loving husband with her visions and insights and what they lead her to. I love it because it mixes a normal life with paranormal activity. Watching the last episode though was devastating and I couldn't help crying even after it had ended. B kept looking at me as if I was walking time bomb that might explode at any minute with fresh tears. We've been together for seven years but I still manage to surprise him!

I am still on the sofa now but soon we are going out to the cinema. I can't wait to see 'Black Swan', it looks darkly dramatic and thrilling..............

Home to Brighton

Dear Reader,

Today I went home to Brighton. I caught a train just before 12.00 and was at the station by 1.00, my Mum anxiously awaiting my arrival.

But my arrival was somewhat hindered when my ticket wouldn't allow me through the barrier. I showed it to the officer who asked to see my railcard. I foraged around in my handbag, the nearest thing to a bottomless pit in existence, and managed to find the photo card but not the accompanying piece which shows its expiry date. Apologising that I could not find it, I expected some words of reassurance. I was met with silence.

Spying another girl nearby in a similar situation, I thought I should wait. Another man then began talking to me, "I'm afraid I'm going to give you a penalty fair," he said. A penalty fair! I felt horrified, partly because I did have the missing rail card somewhere and partly because my keen sense of right and wrong has always kept me out of trouble. I couldn't help it, I cried.

The man had begun filling out a form which I had to sign. He looked up to invite my signature and saw my streaming tears and runny nose. "Oh," he said, "Why are you crying?" He looked guilty.

"It's only that I've never been in trouble," I weeped.

He reassured me that he had been distributing penalty fairs all morning and that I was making him feel bad. I wanted to crawl into my handbag and let the darkness engulf me. Still distraught I paid the penalty and left.

Then I was able to meet Mum. Still crying, she decided we should go out for lunch.

Lunch at Cafe Nia, just bordering the North Laines, was delicious. I had a beef tagine whilst mum had a homemade burger and ships. Delicious. I felt much better.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and enjoying being at ease at home and spending time with Mum. We live near Preston Park which is towards the outskirts of Brighton and is very quiet with lots of birds singing in the garden. It is just perfect.

Tomorrow I shall be going back to London. I am doing some freelance PR and am accompanying my client to his first interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Oh to Banish Hunger

Dear Reader,

Are you feeling anxious? Has the title of this post inflicted that guilt-striken fear that only a man rattling a plastic bucket for blind mice in Indonesia can induce? Fear not. I am not about to bang on about helping hungry children or a rare species of tape worm that is dying out by the hour. No. I wish I could banish my own hunger.

When I am hungry I get grumpy. I don't mean the sort of sulky frowning type of mood. I'm talking heavy black clouds that descend upon my brow. Nothing is right until I am fed.

Yesterday I ate a lot of food so I thought I would eat a little less today to balance things out. I started the day with a banana, apple and raspberry smoothie for breakfast which was absolutely declious and made me feel self-indulgently healthy. I had a meeting at 10.30 so rushed out the door at 10.00, running late as usual, and hopped on the tube.

I arrived just after 10.30 and the meeting began. By 11.30 I was feeling a little hungry but thought it was too early for lunch in any case and told myself I was just being greedy. By 12.30 though my stomach was rumbling and I was beginning to lose concentration. By 1.00 I was starving. By 2.00 I had headache. The situation was becoming dangerous.

Suddenly I was able to get away. I was desperate to eat something but thought I should go home rather than buy a quick fix. I walked purposely to the bus stop on Oxford Street. There was food everywhere. Hell, even the waffle stands looked tempting. Luckily the bus arrived quickly and I was able to get home.

By now the hunger had reached my brain. Primal instinct had taken over and the black cloud descended. As I alighted the bus I saw Sainsbury's. "What a good idea," I thought, "I'll make some biscuits." I hurried over to the shop and promptly bought butter and icing sugar.

Next I raced home, strategically considering what I could eat, how quickly I could cook it, and how fast I could make the biscuits. I scanned the fridge, considering the options, and rested on sasuages, baked potato and salad. I turned on the grill, ripped out some foil and put the sasuages on it in a tin. I put them in the oven. The mission had started.

Forgetting about the biscuits I mixed the salad, spinach leaves littered the floor as I spun and dressed the leaves at the speed of light.  A potato! I had almost forgotten the baked potato. I checked the sasuages, they were smoking. I found a potato! I pricked it and pushed it into the microwave. BANG. The sasuages! One had popped but all was ok. I had things under control.

Implements strewn accross the surface, I found a plate and a place to put it amongst the debris. The sasuages were cooked. The baked potato was ready. The salad? The salad was superb. I assembled all on the plate and ate. The biscuits never got made............

I felt triumphant today, as if I could surmount any feat and overcome any obstacle.

I attended a PR training session this morning which was run by Triggerfish. The session was great and reinforced everything I already knew about PR from the various internships I have completed. It also taught me a few new handy tips and tricks. I found the session particularly useful as regards my first PR client, John Smallshaw, who will be reading his poems on the BBC radio soon..........

I did various other things today such as had coffee with Mum and contemplated the news but nothing really of note. I have felt very capable today and also very happy. I rather think that somehow everything is going to be alright.

A New Year, A New Start

The start of 2011 will mark my first whole year in London. I moved here with my boyfriend in September but still feel very new to Britain's capital city. Within two weeks of moving here I landed a job with a charity to help those who have been homeless return to employment. As a graduate I had felt so anxious after hearing horifying statistics about the the sheer number of us who were looking for, and largely unable to find, work. But I was fortunate enough to find my place with the charity and had such a great time working there. The only problem was, as is the case with many charities, that they could not afford to keep me on in the New Year.

So, a New Year and a new start it is. 2011 will be my first full year in London. I currently have no idea what I will be doing today, tomorrow and certainly not next week! Although unemployment is fun at the moment (I have just finished eating breakfast in bed) I hope it doesn't last for too long. Let's just see what the future brings.........